So What’s the Story?

Written: 01/16/2020

I’ve been thinking lately.— We get so wrapped up in life and ourselves and forget everyone has a story. I try to be intentional about loving and understanding others, it is something I value in life. And and I wanted to take a moment to write about mine, as I believe sometimes when photos are shared it is easy to assume about one’s life. There is always more to the story and I feel compelled to share mine. 

One of my favorite things to do is capture moments. I think this was engrained in me from an early age. My mom was the mom always getting everyone together for a photo and she worked at a photography studio for some years. There is a lot of joy in getting people you love together for a photo. Taking them, looking back and reminiscing makes me smile! I also love to take photos of my travels.— beautiful scenery that moves your soul, a cool shot your eye catches in passing, the people of a place I am visiting and with whom I am traveling with. 

I think if you know me at all or follow me on any social media account, you can tell I. LOVE. PHOTOS. But I as I said, I feel compelled to write a bit and tell more of my story. My life is not only my travels and my photos. A lot of my life is indeed laughing and smiling, a lot while traveling and I love to share these things with people! Assumptions and curiosities can be drawn about someone’s life in general and through photos. Let start back at the beginning of time…. LOL. Just kidding but basically my entire life!

I am a girl who loves to daydream and I create visions in my head of things I absolutely want to do, aka life dreams. I knew I wanted to attend TCU. I knew I wanted to study Secondary Education. I knew I wanted to be a high school teacher in a Title one school. I knew I wanted to live in a Spanish speaking country and just internationally in general. A bit of a dreamer and a doer. Currently, I have been in an ambiguous moment of life, as my main direction is only to live internationally… 

So how did I end up where I am right now? Traveling a lot and living in Albania? Lol. There’s never a simple answer and it goes a bit back.

I went to high school, played sports, cheered, super involved. I lost my “group” of friends in high school, classic mean girl haters who bullied me. Not fun as a teenager, but so thankful I didn’t get caught up with that crowd. It perhaps instilled some insecurities in me for some years, but ultimately was one of my biggest gifts in high school. A couple of my soul sisters stuck around and are still my bff’s today. When I graduated high school, I worked at a Young Life camp as a server in Colorado. You go with people from all over the country and know no one and volunteer work with them for a month. I think this has played into my life of loving to have new experiences with new people. I went to college at TCU. GO FROGS. I was beyond blessed with the best of friends in college and was roomies with my best friends. Some of my truest gifts. I already knew I wanted to be a high school teacher. I did switch my major from English to Communication Studies and I am so thankful (I am a specialties kind of teacher jaja). I cheered in college and was a Volunteer Young Life leader. I continued to go and work at camps in the summer.— A mountain bike guide in Georgia and the office staff in North Carolina. I did not cheer my last year and since I had extra time in the summer, I wanted to go on a mission trip. I was dead set on Costa Rica. I loved Spanish since I was a small kid, my grandpa moved to Costa Rica when I was young and my brother lived there for 3 months too. The program I was going through had no openings. I was devastated and they only had an opening in Córdoba, Argentina. Honestly, I absolutely did not want to go there (WHO WAS I?? Jaja). Well it changed me and thus began my dream to live in Argentina in 2014. 

I randomly started dating a boy my senior year of university, he was not on my radar. Long story short, it was like a train took off and it was never on the tracks. It was a very unhealthy relationship.— Isolating, used his faith to manipulate me and controlling. He wanted me in a box and I didn’t fit it, because I had dreams that were not him. I felt trapped during this time. Anyone who even slightly knew me could tell I was not me. I was depressed, I felt like I was in a constant haze and like a floating corpse just floating through life. It was so strange for someone to tell you they loved you and that “God told him he was supposed to marry me” but feeling he didn’t know the slightest thing about my soul. I felt that was in a hole and that I couldn’t get out. There were honestly moments that I wished I wasn’t living. I was also going through a normal life transition of just graduating university. Also, my grandma died, who was very special to me. I was working at Starbucks and a saved up for a Europe trip with my friend (which is a total gift) I wanted to teach speech at the high school I was a Young Life leader at, but there were no openings and so I got a job being the technology specialist which was hilarious. (we will return to the job situation later). Some months later, we got engaged. I also had started going to counselling, which impacted me so much and absolutely helped me to get out of my situation. Finally, I couldn’t deny my intuition or the people in my life who all were saying the same things. My father told me he couldn’t support this until he saw the confident, fun, joyful, adventurous Morgan he always knew. I was not this in during this time in my relationship. I ended my engagement and it was an automatic relief. One of the best decisions of my life.

Meanwhile, as I was the technology specialists, I found a job as the speech teacher at a high school down the road and it was a bizarre God thing and within in 3 days— I called, they told me no and the position was filled, I emailed my documents in anyways, next day I went up to the school with hardcopies, ran into a teacher who was so kind, she put my papers on the principal’s desk, she had kind words to say of me from our convo, next day I received a call for a interview because things shifted, they saw my papers on the desk and I got the job on the spot! I taught here for 2 years and it was the best and most rewarding job I have had. I loved my kids, knowing the good and difficult parts of their lives and working in a school in Fort Worth. Right after my engagement, I immediately was looking into teaching abroad. I ended up deciding to wait, because I felt like it was running from my problems. So I stayed, lived at home and had this wonderful job in FWISD.

I started dating a boy shortly after my engagement, had crushed on him for about 5 years prior, so it wasn’t super random. He was a gift and helped me get out of my situation and I had idealised about this for years so it also gave me answers. We were like sandpaper and it didn’t work. I healed, dealt with myself and recovered. I was supposed to go on a trip to Italia with this guy, but we had broken up. I decided to go by myself and ended up taking a train to Paris and Paris romanced my soul like no other. I knew I needed to go live internationally and this is what inspired me to come to Europe and not South America. I knew I wanted to be in a Spanish speaking country and so Spain was the option, though I had never been there. I had made a deal with myself to not make big life decisions for a few months, but this calling and passion couldn’t be denied. I decided to apply to some programs and thus began my journey of getting to Spain. I knew I wanted to be in Madrid for some reason, just a feeling. I resigned from my job for the next year and this process took like 6 months before I moved.

How do I explain what Spain was to me? Well it was living out my dream, taking a step of bravery to do something I’ve felt deep down in my soul. I love the country, the lifestyle and the language. This 2 years was a time of self exploration, out of the bubble of the south of the USA and really determining how I want my life to be and what I believe in (your faith and spirituality doesn’t have to look one way and what a beautiful thing to discover). I was homeless for the first month and a half, because finding a home in Madrid is complicated. I met kind people who let me stay with them. I moved a lot while living there— 3 months with an older Iranian couple, but I wasn’t allowed in the living room and they tried to cheat me on the utilities. So I moved to a different neighbourhood with 2 Spanish girls for about a year. It was a dirty environment with a lot of negative energy, very inconsiderate and always wanted drama. Talk about a terrible place to come home to. Then I finally moved to a new neighbourhood with a friend I had met from the USA and lived there until I moved out of Madrid. So lovely. Overall, I loved being in Madrid, the energy of the city and language romanced me, but I had many moments where I felt sad and lonely and wanted to go home. I missed my family so much sometimes that it felt unbearable. Sometimes I felt like I had no one in Spain (which isn’t true, just my insecurities). One of my grandma’s was having heart complications and had to have an intense heart surgery and she also had cancer. I didn’t know what the outcome would be. And my other grandma had a stroke that scared us all. Luckily, they are both okay. But these moments are hard and especially from afar. It is always a process of making new friends and with the expat life a lot of people come and go. There is not a lot of consistency. I did end up meeting some of besties now. 

I have had some health problems while in Spain— tonsillitis, ADULT LICE, like 12 colds, sprained ankles, my cartilage between my upper ribs and breastplate was swollen from carrying a heavy backpack and I couldn’t breathe for a couple weeks, I have had a cyst on my ovaries that burst, which is super painful, and had to go to the emergency room, amongst other things. I did not make a lot of money in Spain. I blew through my savings, got a bit of credit card debt and have had a lot of stress from wanting to live my dream and feeling compelled to but also having credit card and university debt. I also experienced feeling like a disappointment for not having a better job to pay my stuff off and selfish for wanting to live abroad and not near my family. 

Boys during this time— I was in a place where I was turned off to the idea of a relationship when moving to Spain.  I hadn’t been with my last boyfriend for a little less than a year. I came to Spain and about a month and a half into me being there I met a guy who I suppose made we realise that love at first sight was a thing. Pretty much have loved him for my whole two years in Spain and we all know how the first love really impacts us. We are from different countries, living in different countries, he is a bit of a nomadic soul. It was a bit complicated and blissful. But the whole non-relationship relationship thing makes things complicated and messy and thus I learned that love is agony. Jaja! I had never wanted to be with someone so bad, I guess this happens when you’re actually in love. I have always been one foot in in past relationships, because I could feel in my intuition that things were off or I couldn’t change my dreams to accommodate to people I was dating. Basically we had the same feelings but communicated vastly different, he wasn’t in a place to be emotionally open and to share life in the way I desired. This caused me a lot of pain and heartbreak. I dated other guys here and there through these times because I was in Spain, opportunities were there and I wanted to keep my sanity jaja. I had good experiences and not so good ones. No one I was really interested in being with and no one who seemed to be anything like the guy I had loved. I have met people on the streets lol and immediately went to have a coffee, my Blabla car driver, friends of friends and so on. I had a couple experiences of guys triggering my intuition of RED FLAGS, some weirdos, people who just showed up to my house, but overall okay experiences and a couple I have connected with. Dating is fun sometimes but it is exhausting. 

Living in Madrid is year by year teaching English, which isn’t a lot of time. You are always having to think what is the next step. I knew I would be there at least 2 years, but I didn’t love my job. Loved the people and my students however. This past summer I came home to visit and I was searching and applying everyday to find a job to work remotely. I have been interested in working for a company or a nonprofit organisation to make a shift in my professional life. I applied to so many and either didn’t hear back or got rejected. This is a bit disheartening and I was already feeling super sensitive with financial stuff and a lot of things.— being home for awhile, not working and also feeling a bit directionless. I was also low key breaking out and felt like I was losing all my hair and ugly in all my photos (silly things but I was feeling this) and I felt deep sadness for all that went down with the guy I had loved and just dealing with that. I made a deal with myself that if I didn’t have a job (in addition to my English teaching job ) before I left that I wouldn’t go back to Spain. Time was getting closer, still nothing. I was suppose to go back to Spain earlier and meet a friend visiting in nearby Morocco and go to one of my good friend’s wedding in South Africa but I couldn’t make it happen. I stayed home and was a substitute teacher for a bit to make some extra cash. I had the plane ticket to go back and so decided regardless I would need to return and get my stuff. I would try to make it work and hustle while I was there. Obviously I went back on my deal, but I was heading back to Spain anyways.

The day before I left I went to a TCU football game (and reconnected with 2 old friends that was so lovely and restorative to my being) and I received a message from a girl I met from a Christian sports camp (FCA) 10 years ago. She asked what I was doing with my life (which looks a bit ambiguous when I am always all over the place) and if I was certified in teaching and interested in teaching drama in Albania. This intrigued me. I told my mom and I felt very connected to this idea. The next day I left and had a stop in NYC to see my best friend and told her I am going to Albania if it works out. I arrived back in Madrid and it felt great. I decided to hold up on going to the south of Spain near Granada (I just felt like the Albania thing was going to happen and I had time cause I needed to sort out a paperwork thing before I started in the south anyways) I heard back from the school in Albania on a Monday, had an interview on a Thursday, signed the offer on a Friday, sorted out all my things to be shipped, got a plane ticket and flew to Albania that next Wednesday. I hopped on the back of a scooter of the Realtor and found a flat that day and moved in 3 days later. It has been a whirlwind. It again is a God thing that I am here. I am the drama teacher and this job puts me in a better place financially to live my dream of living internationally and traveling and also to be able to pay off my debts. The cost of living here is so low and that is lovely! I have so many new countries around me to explore. I moved here in October and my job is a gift! I am feeling a lot of purpose being in an IB school and teaching drama. I live by the sea and in a smaller town. I have been overwhelmed a bit about missing my soul people and wishing I could share my life and home with them. We had a big earthquake, 6.4, in the end of November that was scary and devastating to my town and the country. Things have been in a bit of havoc since then. We had 2 weeks off of school, in which I traveled a lot. My uncle died on Thanksgiving and that was shocking and devastating to our family. It almost doesn’t seem real because I am far, but it hits me often how he will not be there when I am home. Came back from my travels and got food poisoning and only worked 5.5 days, it was my birthday and then Christmas break and no school for a couple more weeks. I really missed my family during the holidays and think I came to the conclusion that I miss so many day to day moments from living afar that I want to make sure to be there for the bigger special moments like Christmas and NYE. I was able to spend Christmas with one of my best friends I met in Madrid with her and her family in London and that was refuelling to my soul and another one of my best friends came for a couple weeks to do what we do best, travel together. So restorative to spend time with her and have her back in my city to show her my life here.

So here I am, living in Durrës, Albania. I am learning and being challenged by being the drama teacher. I have made some new lovely good friends. I got a root canal about a month ago, jaja! I love my home and learning a new culture. I miss Spain and the Spanish language around me and still dream of opening my coffee shop in Argentina or who knows where! I am working on paying off my debts to society. I am so thankful for my best friends and family (especially my mom, dad and brother who are literally everything to me) from home that I feel sooo connected to. I am expecting visitors in these next months and am planning on making a stop in Spain before I head home to visit for a couple of months in the summer! I have a two year contract and will finish out this year and the next and who knows how long much longer I will stay!

Life is always a contradiction— two completely opposite things coexisting at all times. I have been filled up with joys and sadness, new experiences and longing for the familiar, meeting new best friends and sharing things with my family and soul sisters from home, falling in love, having my heart broken, smiles and tears, loving being afar and traveling but wanting to curl up in a ball with my pups and family at home. I am thankful for any difficult and sad moment as well as my blissful, full of life moments. They all have shaped me and brought me to where I am now! Yes I know everything doesn’t work out as planned and geez am I thankful. I’ve looked back at things I drew and wrote when I was a kid and I talked about traveling the world even then. My family also always made an effort to have fun experiences and to travel when we could. It’s been a part of me since I remember and a passion that is so deeply rooted that I had to act on and stay true to my dreams. But beautiful dreams also come with hardships! So here is where I am at, wanting to live an absolutely authentic life, and a reminder that it is not just the photos I share.  A huge thanks to my family, my absolute soul sisters and to God for always being there and quite literally makin it with momo! 😉 jaja. I am very thankful to be where I am in life. YAY!!!

If anyone feels inclined to share any part of their story, please send me a message! I love to know people’s stories and listen to the joys of life and the heavier moments. Ciao y’all!!!