All the Feels

“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.” – Some quote from Pinterest
This quote is my life. Speaking of life, I’m in a super weird place of life. The interim time. It seems so strange to me to be in a place (literally location wise but also figuratively) that I love so much and preparing for something I am so very excited for.
I live in Fort Worth. It is near the town I grew up in, it is the place I spent 4 years of college at and the place I currently live with my family. This town is entirely dear to my heart and even currently being here I often enter into a deep, tragic and sweet nostalgia. This is home to my core. I could literally go on forever about everything I love here. I am so thankful for a place that feels like home and love. Fort Worth is so Texas and also just a cozy place. I love so many coffee shops, restaurants, different areas and of course the people. Obviously, it is the people that make home. TCU (where I went to college) is everything to me. This is a place I spent 4 years living on campus, making the best friends of all time and grew a lot. Living with my 3 best friends through college is one of my life’s greatest gifts. The sweetest. Also, my Young Life team was one of my sweetest gifts, also making the best of friends. These dear friendships have carried on into my current life, some in the Fort Worth area and some sprinkled all over the country. It has been so sweet to nourish and maintain these friendships with my college friends and also my few hometown friends.
I also will miss teaching in Fort Worth so stinkin’ much. Teaching has been one of my biggest honors. I often am blown away by the gift it is to do everyday life with high schoolers here. Being a Speech teacher has been so fun and it gave me freedom to get to know my students, as speech has a broad curriculum. I loved the school I was at. Those kiddos will always have my heart. It was very hard to leave. Currently, I am being a substitute in the same school district. It is fun because I get to go to knew schools (and sometimes my old one) and I don’t have any teacher-y tasks. (AMEN!) Although, I don’t get to build those relationships with new students, because I am ofter there for only a day, it is so fun being in the schools and interacting with kids! Although teaching is draining and sometimes you are irritated on the real, the positives always outweigh. I will miss all this here.
Don’t even get me started on my family. I am obsessed with them. All my extended family are so special, but my cores— dad, mom and brother are my ride or dies. I love doing everyday life with them. Through college, I lived 30 minutes from them. Super close. These years consisted of: weekly lunch/ coffee dates with mom, my parents literally attending every football, basketball and volleyball game I cheered at (and also my intramural basketball games I played at, HAHA), occasional weekends at home, holidays at home, my mom coming to help me if I locked my keys in my car (lol) or something of the sort, etc. They are so dependable. My brother lived in San Diego through these years, but we spent many weekends up there to see him and holidays here all together. The past 2.4 years, I moved in with my family and we moved to Fort Worth. Living here with my family has been the most special thing. It is so cool to live at home with my people as an adult. (yes there are some struggles of it. The adult vs. your the kid struggle haha) My brother moved back in June,as he finished his 4 years with the Navy, while my dad has a job where he is all over the country and doesn’t live at home right now, which is devastating. We miss that boy! From it being me, mom and dad to just my mom and I to my brother, my mom and I (with many visits to see dad) it has been the best. All different dynamics, but all so sweet. ALSO, living with my 3 dogs and 2 cats is the best. I will miss the cuddles. Golly, sharing meals, running errands, watching shows (The Bachelor hahaha), playing softball, going to church, cracking up, doing stupid dances, marveling at the cuteness of our animals are such joys of my life. All the big moments and all the goofy small ones. I’m thankful for the laughs, support, comfort and love that my family embodies. I am so aware of the gift of these people and this time. Praising the Lord for it and in a constant state of thankfulness (where I actually just sit and cry sometimes thinking of it).
So here I am now. Just about ONE MONTH until I hop on my one way flight to Madrid, Spain to be a language assistant at a school. I smile so much when talking about this. I cannot contain my excitement, as this is my dream of all dreams!!!!!!!!!!! I am flabbergasted (but also totally expectant), because I cannot believe it is happening all so soon. I am ready— it feels like it is time for this to be fulfilled. I feel so much confidence and peace from God and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. I am such an idealist visionary. I dream of the future and create an absolutely ideal picture. I daydream, research, make lists, plan, talk to my people and then make it happen. It is crazy to me that this BIG vision/ dream is happening (I cannot stop saying this! I’m in a state of bewilderment)! So this is exciting, adventurous, unknown, uncomfortable and soooo many other things, but I just simply cannot wait. It is strange and disorienting to being nostalgic and almost mourning the ending of my current season here in Fort Worth, but I am also bursting with joy and excitement to move to Spain.
I am not sure how long I will stay in Spain, maybe a year or maybe many more. (I have a feeling I will need more than a year. YIKES. I say this now, but we will see if I am a constant big cry baby missing the fam. Overall, I am so open to what God has in store for me.) I know that my path marked before me. One thing that gives me comfort, as I am aware I will not have my family and best friends near me, is that I have a God that is always with me. This makes me want to cry, because I am so thankful for a personal God that I have a relationship with. That’s insane! It’s crazy to think that we should be completely okay and content with just God alone. I feel that this will be an experience to really depend on my God alone. BUT……….. thankful for the family and besties I have and technology and planes that they will come visit me in (and vice versa)!! 🙂 I also am very excited for the relationships I will build while in Madrid! How cool!!
In summary: I am: freakin excited, giddy, sad, nostalgic, weirded out, joyful, peaceful, confident, perplexed, curious, not scared, but also scared and have a bit of FOMO, BUT I know this is what I am supposed to do. Some of my sweetest, most impactful moments in this life have been when I was uncomfortable. I have felt the closeness of God in these moments. I truly feel that it is my time to completely uproot my life and make it uncomfortable (I don’t feel it is healthy to just surround your life with all comforts). SO. YAY! In my Dad’s crazy voice, “WHAT THE HAIILLLLLLLLL?!” Haha.

Bring on the adventure!!