Before Leaving the Country… According to Momo

The Stages Before Departure:

Well I have just moved to Madrid, Spain from Texas and, of course, mentally and emotionally I have been everywhere. I have had some travel time to myself on the way to Madrid, which is nice. When I wasn’t genuinely about to pass out, due the dramatic weight of my backpacking backpack filled with books, or when I was not stressed in anticipation of journeying again with my carryons through the airport, I sat and thought. I felt baffled about how differently I felt at different times. I needed to write about this to understand, per my usual life. I am sure anyone that has made a big move has felt similar emotions to what I have felt—  whether across your own country, just away from your family and friends or to a completely different/ foreign country, it takes a toll on you! It freakin messes with you. Lol. Kidding. Carrying on……

The Initial Decision:

Well I wasn’t going to make big life decisions until June of 2017. I made a commitment to no one, but myself. I had such a time of transitions, previously, and I thought perhaps I should just chill out for a bit. BUT, I have always dreamed of moving to teach abroad. In March, I went on a week trip to Europe and was inspired beyond comprehension. Paris changes you!! Haha. When I came back from the solo revolutionary trip, it made it really hard for me not to pull the trigger to apply to a program to teach in Spain. Everyday, I had to convince myself not to apply. Finally, about a month later, I made an executive decision, that I needed to apply. I sent in an application and felt straight liberation. I didn’t end up doing that specific program but it started my journey to commit to doing what it took to find a program suitable for me to live out this dream. This stage felt exciting, unknown and ambiguous! Once I had the program set, after applying and interviewing, it was nice to be able to officially talk about it.

The Committed but Distant Time:

So this time started in perhaps May. During this time, it still feels so far away, I was about 6 months out. This time was filled with excitement and casualness. I started talking about it with people and it became more real, but still didn’t feel like complete reality. The biggest stressor for me was about what I was going to pack. Once it was official that I was going, I wiped out my closet. I got rid of SO MUCH CLOTHES. And then I began on the months and months process of filtering out what I would bring to Spain. Haha. I had my best friend over a little closer to when I was leaving to be the judge of my fashion show, “What will I bring to Spain?”. I’m just a girl trying to be low key trendy. Sue me. Anyways, I worked on my TEFL (Teaching as a Foreign Language) Certification and had to do other logistical tasks, like scheduling my visa appointment, getting all my paperwork I needed for my visa and sending in all my stuff to my program coordinator (My program is the Meddeas Public School Program, by the way.) Even with these tasks, it felt like a dream. It was fun to introduce this plan to people— friends, family, random people and my students. Sidenote: I had to tell my students in June that I wasn’t coming back and that was heartbreaking. The good news is that I was a substitute teaching in the interim time from August to October, prior to moving. SO, I was able to see and embrace them before I left, which was good time and closure for this heart of mine. I am nothing without closure. Haha.

I had 11 trips, mostly domestic trips in the USA (see my Voyages of 2017 post) planned since I decided to move abroad. I am convinced I am a crazy person for traveling that much before fleeing the country. It is what I love to do, so it was good for the soul. It also really made me want to embrace every second of my cozy, lovely life at home. Pretty much all my trips revolved around people I loved, so the quality time was special. And the time away, traveling, made my time at home so important.

Everything seemed distant until I had about a month before I left. And that is when the emotions started kicking in, dramatically. My season leading up to this move was a weird one, the most suitable word to embody it is: interesting….. I felt good, content, present, joy, love, peace, thankfulness, discovery, etc. All these sweet things mixed with this huge unknown plan that I was about to embark on was FREAKIN’ WEIRD. I was constantly baffled and I would honestly just start cracking up to myself constantly in disbelief.

One Month Out:

This is when I was the most sentimental and nostalgic. I kid you not. I would be on my 7 minute drive to Target and a slow, sweet song would come on and I would WEEP. I would embrace driving, Fort Worth, reminisce on time with my people, in my city. I could not handle what a gift my life has been and how sad I would be without my home and homies. I would hang out with my family and would break down in a waterfall of tears. My mom and I would be laughing and doing stupid dance moves and then I would be an emotional wreck. I would be cuddling with my dogs and then start weeping again. INSANITY. I am thankful for the awareness I had and that I was thankful for every moment. I believe that is a gift.

Two Weeks Out:

For me, I had a small period of time where I became kind of detached. I had pretty much taken care of all the logistical things, I just needed to officially pack and embrace life here. I had already said a few goodbyes, but they didn’t seem real. My mom also through me a going away party and it was the most thoughtful and sweet party with all my favourite people. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening and I had less emotion. I did weep during this party though, because my Dad surprised me! I had no idea he was able to come, so that was an incredibly special thing and so sweet to spend the weekend with the fam. #jenkinsunite

One Week Out and A Hot Mess:

Part of me thought it was comical that I was about to leave to Spain and the other part of me was heartbroken to leave the people I love most. I am like this before any trip I go on. I get TOO sad to leave and cry and ponder if I should go. I was definitely like this and even more amplified, since I was moving. I wrote all my closest people letters and it was essential for me to reminisce on so much that I love. Hello closure. By this point, I had said bye to most of my best friends and these last days were all about the fam (and saying by to my high school best friend, Gabmaster3000).

My Aunt had a going away family dinner. We did Christmas breakfast for dinner (because I love breakfast and I won’t be at Christmas this year. Tragic.) and we wore PJs. SO MUCH FUN. Everyone is so cute in PJs. This was a very special night for me. There is nothing like family. My Aunt was also (like my Mom!) very thoughtful and made sangria and had Spanish appetisers. It was the kindest. I had to hold back tears multiple times this night. I wont forget this day! My mom and I had a wedding the next day, 2 hours away, and it was the best to have one on one time together. We had a blast, had Starbs, listened to music and talked. On the way back, the stupid Taylor Swift song, Never Grow Up, came on and destroyed us. It was very emotional and applicable. The tears were flowing. Dadio came into town that night and we got to spend all Sunday, with the 4 of us. I can’t get over how much I love them. We went to church, ate Mexican food (long live the enchiladas) with my Uncle, Aunt and cousin (and it was SO hard saying by to them). This is when the saying goodbye was real and heart wrenching. Later that evening, around sunset, the 4 of us went on a walk with the pups. My fav. We came back and sat outside, drank some wine, on the perfect fall night, with strung lights, a fire and with the dogs. It was bliss. Later, we went to bed. I said bye to my dad early on the morning that I left. I was a mess. I got in bed with my mom and the pups. Next was saying bye to my bro. He had to go to a class. I was a mess saying bye to him too. I was a mess AGAIN saying bye to my dogs and cats. I was actually a psychopath. Genuinely, I have about 803 photos of them on my phone…. I miss them so much. My mom took me to the airport on that Monday and my grandparents met us there. I loved having them there and it was Grandma’s birthday!. I was stressed about the weight of my carryons and the unknown and it made me a little less emotional. Nonetheless, tears did come and I said bye to them, as they waited the entire time until I was through security. How great are they????? And so I was off. With too many carryons that weighed more than me. I literally had to get a wheelchair to carry them. I was so embarrassed. EXTRA and BOUJEE.

Okay. Now I Live in Madrid:

Hola…………. I am 3 weeks and 1 day in. And I finally feel like I have some energy to finish writing this. I am currently post siesta and feeling groovy. It is hard to move to a new country, complete all the tasks to officially live here (getting a transportation card, figuring out the city, the metro, starting a new job with an hour commute each way, making new friends, learning a language, getting a Spanish phone number, getting a Spanish background check, setting up appointments to get your resident card and so on) AND having energy to do things like writing. NOT TO MENTION, I am still homeless and stressed as haillllll. I stayed with a friend of a friend’s place, when I first arrived and that was the biggest gift. It felt like home and was so comfy. I stayed there for about 2 weeks and  5 days. I truly believed I would find a place in less than a week. NOT TRUE. So here I am, moving from place to place. It is so kind of the people I am staying with to let me stay with them. I am so thankful and baffled. Some girls doing the program I am in and some girls that I work with at my school have opened their homes to me. I feel so blessed. I have been constantly looking for a flat and have developed a cold. I cannot wait to be on the other side of the house hunting, but even with the stress of the homeless life, I feel so peaceful about being in Madrid. I know it is where I am supposed to be. I love exploring the city. I love my job (I am with 1st, 2nd and 5th graders and they are the cutest kiddos of all time. I literally get attacked with hugs everyday. It is a dream!). I love the friends I have made. I visited a church and worshiped in Spanish and that is moving. I love the language, the food, the beautiful men (haha…..), the buildings, the dogs and so much more! I am such a fan of living here and dream of the day when my fam and besties come visit me!!! I can’t wait for my worlds to collide! I am just thankful for this life. God is so kind to have given me this life.

Okay. Vale. Hasta luego. This is where I am at now.—Truly thriving, often with helado in hand. And when I am no longer homeless and have hangers and Christmas lights in my room, I will be thriving even more. STAY TUNED.