To Know and Be Known

To know and to be known:

For me to know people is one of my top favourite things. Surface level conversations about absolutely nothing genuinely eats away at my soul. I have been extraordinarily blessed in my life to have people around me that have really fostered a safe environment for me to share my heart, troubles, emotions, etc. As I continue in life and know more and more people, I am humbled by this gift in my life, because I know this isn’t always the norm. I have two loving parents and a brother that have my best interest in mind, an extended family that I trust with my life, best friends who care tremendously about my wellbeing and heart, students whom I love and share life with and just many general, positive experiences. I am too thankful.

Saying this, my life hasn’t been without fault. I have had friends in my past who have betrayed me, friends who didn’t invest equally, boyfriends who have been controlling, manipulating and emotionally abusive and have experienced hurt. From some of these experiences, I have definitely put up walls over my heart to protect myself. Some of you may have experienced this, lol. Sorry about that, haha. I am selective in what I share. Some may call me an onion. I need my layers to be shed over time. But what I desire above all else is to be real, intimate and intentional with people. I just don’t understand what you are talking about if there isn’t substance. Nonetheless, I understand that vulnerability, realness and openness has everything to do with trust and past experiences that have shaped us. And people adjust their openness based on this. I do think there is a healthy boundary of being selective and to be wise about who you share to be open with. If you know me, I am an open book but if you don’t know me, I potentially am a little ambiguous/ mysterious. But what I truly love and seek out is to be real and I test the waters to see if it is a suitable person/ place to be able to be open with.

In my experience of moving to a new country, not knowing anyone, I found it very hard at the beginning to find people who wanted to get deep and to know the deep things about me. I was super frustrated and discouraged. I think this was heightened because I was going through a lot of transitions and newness. Because at home my best friends, my fam and inner circle, were all people who had the same values of life as me. They desired intentionality, purpose, connections, faith, etc. We shared these things and from this built deep relationships. I felt like I lacked deepness in my beginning months of my time in Spain.

What I have learned is that in general our world isn’t a world of being open and vulnerable with each other. We are taught a lot to keep our emotions in, to put it under a rug. People have pride and hurt and it keeps us from opening up. We are scared of more hurt, rejection and a stab to our pride, which makes sense. I have realised what a blessing most of my experiences have been with trust and safeness with my family and friends. And I want to be a place with people that encourages them to be real and open too. We, as humans, shouldn’t have to carry the weight of our burdens and hurts alone. Everyone goes through hard things and obstacles and we have the ability to relate and go along side of people to help heal and work through life things.

I have also learned that you have different friends for different purposes. Not every friendship has the same set of values and goals. And it is awesome to have different types of friends, with different commonalities. Also, not everyone is the same as you and that is just beautiful and perfect.

Another thing I have learned (which is obvious haha) is that friendships take time. I am not sure how I came to Spain and expected to have a soul sister the first week of being here. All my sweet, deep friendships have taken time, experiences and trials to develop into the beautiful thing they are today. I have met people here who have developed into some sweet friendships that I value so much. But it just took time!! I am in such a good place right now.— Where I am in a state of gratitude and openness. I have friends here that I feel are my people and I am in a place where I want to continue to seek real friendships and seek intentionality.

I always end these things asking myself what is my objective. So, what is my objective? lol. I suppose it is about the value of knowing people and being known. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences. And I hope whoever reads this is provoked to be open with people. Because we are not designed to do life alone. We are social, communal beings. I believe it is detrimental to your mental wellbeing and for the betterment of your life to be with people and to find good ones to share your life with. Sooooo yeahhh!!!!! Puesssssss. Be real. Be wise. Be open.

Also, side note: I understand all sides and there are just some messed up people out there. That is where wiseness and intuition comes in. Not every human in the entire world needs to know every detail about you. But you can’t do life alone, so open up to some people, let people in and care about who other people are. When you know someone, they become so beautiful! Ugh. Love it. Okay, this is all. jaja!!